Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
