I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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