Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize