found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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