is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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