She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
