Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
