Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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