My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
