I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
