I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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