I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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