I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
