well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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