And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
