I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
