Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
