is your mom at the bar?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
