I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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