He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
