just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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