she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
