the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
