using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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