I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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