Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
