If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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