there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
