I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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