If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
