Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
