Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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