i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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