someone threw a dead crab at me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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