i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
