dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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