weddingsv make me drug and hornr
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
