I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
