the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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