i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
