you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Someone came in the potted fern
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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