If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
