And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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