people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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