I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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