I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
