I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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