Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
