the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
