when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
