I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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