just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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