i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
