I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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