sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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