What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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