What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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