Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
