is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
