Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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