Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
