am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
