I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
