he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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