I love black thongs
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
