if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
