Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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(301): View more from Maryland

I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls

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(803): View more from South Carolina

No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

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(562): View more from California

I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(651): View more from Minnesota

i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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(515): View more from Iowa

If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.

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(323): View more from California

Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.

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(937): View more from Ohio

found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax

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