You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions