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Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory