Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator