Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!