I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
