You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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