I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
