Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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