If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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