I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
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She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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